1. BOY HOWDY, THIS IS SOME GOOD SMELLIN' LOTION
There's no two ways about it: Blazing Saddles Lotion smells AMAZING.
It smells like your old favorite suede jacket (the one with the fringe) that everyone asks about (it's from a thrift shop in Joshua Tree and was made in the 1940s), with the rising heat of the desert sun on a wood plank sidewalk.
It smells like confidence, justice, and victory.
It smells like nothing else in the world, and that makes me feel like a badass -- like I can (and will, and do, and JUST DID) handle everything with the focused nonchalance of Clint Eastwood talking with the bad guys in A Fistful of Dollars.
It's unbreakable, unstoppable, and un-eff-withable.
And I don't know what your days are like, but I like feeling unbreakable, unstoppable, and I-just-dare-you-to-eff-with-me-able. Blazing Saddles brings me that feeling, no matter what form it's in... but the lotion, well, the LOTION...
2. WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH THIS LOTION?
My name's Danielle, and I'm a lotion-a-holic.
You know what I hate, though? WEAK-ASS, thin, slimy lotion. I put it on my hands and within 20 seconds, I regret it. My hands aren't significantly moisturized and I have to go through a door, and the fact that I just put lotion on my hands makes me as useless as a cat. (no offense to cats, but they can't open doors worth a darn) And I've got this slimy, greasy stuff on my usually useful paws.
That kind of lotion is the kind of lotion I wipe off on my dress. Because I'm not going to be trapped by a fricken' door.
Outlaw's lotions, on the other hand, are rich and smooth and creamy and wonderful. They're not LIQUID, they're more of a ... I dunno... what's the word? Well, they're more STRUCTURAL.
And this is a miracle, because with that kind of structure, you'd maybe expect that greasy film nonsense, but HECK NO, this lotion absorbs quickly and actually DOES ITS FRICKEN JOB.
Author's note: I realize I am using a lot of all-caps words, but if you haven't tried the lotion, you can't really judge me. And if you have tried the lotion, you know what I'm shouting about!
3. HECK YEAH WE CAN... ALUMINUM CAN, THAT IS.
I'm proud. I'm proud of this bottle. I'm proud of the lengths we went to make this aluminum bottle, even in the middle of a pandemic, even in the middle of a global brouhaha of epic proportions.
But still, we made this SOLID and amazing bottle.
Do you know we've got the only aluminum bottled lotion and body wash on the shelves of Whole Foods Personal Care (at least in NorCal, Reno, and Boise)? Yes, that's right: We're so Outlaw we make the lawful folks look awful. (or at least less biodegradable or recyclable)
And the bottle's solid. Yes, it'll get dented, but it can take an absolute PUMMELING and keep on pumpin'. Just watch this video of Russ shooting a bb-gun at a Coors can vs a bottle of Outlaw lotion: https://youtu.be/MMi50vjKNXQ
If the bottle can handle a sharp impact with a metal ball, how do you think it'll handle being thrown in your backpack or on the floor of your car? It's a non-issue.
And of course, it's recyclable. Just rip off the label (which currently is, sadly, garbage... but less garbage, at least), rinse it out, and recycle it with your cans.
Or make a festive art project out of it like we did in this Facebook Live video: https://www.facebook.com/577784945572450/videos/3361364563912961
Try it, you'll love it!
Give Blazing Saddles lotion a try today and let me know if it's not the best darn lotion you've ever tried... because I am 100% sure it is.
And this isn't marketing hyperbole.
I swear on a Bible that Outlaw lotion is the best lotion I have used, and, as a lotion-a-holic, I know some lotion. We wouldn't have made anything lesser.