Entering our fourth year of business - Holy Cow.

I'm not gonna lie to you... the past couple weeks have been pretty tough on my l'il ol' heart.

I can't even particularly tell you a good reason why. Just, like, yanno, we moved to Colfax, raised all that money through the Kiva loan, had our grand soapening, got those huge Autry and Bravo Farms orders, and now...

... we're low on funds, sales are ok-but-not-great, and it's pretty tough.

But here we are, into our 4th year in business. March 15th was our anniversary but we were so busy I didn't really have a chance to acknowledge it.

As you already know, being an entrepreneur is HARD.

BUT NOW WE ARE IN THE BELLY OF THE BEAST.

Based on many (maaaany) books from other (successful) entrepreneurs, we are at the stage when things seem most confusing, difficult, frustrating, and -- worst of all -- totally pointless.

Why are we doing this? What made us think this was a good idea? THIS IS SO DUMB. WHAT A FUCKING FOOLISH, POINTLESS ENDEAVOR. I CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED THREE WHOLE YEARS ON THIS.

And you know I am no stranger to muscling through hard stuff. Yeah, I might strain a little, pick up some bad habits, swear more, bathe less, and wake up gasping in the middle of the night, but I make it through.

But the absolute worst is the feeling that none of this matters.

I'm not writing this to get some pep talk. Nothing you or anyone else can say will make me feel better about where we are right now. (and please don't tell me that there's no shame in quitting, as many people have done. I know. But I'm not gonna fucking quit.)

It doesn't even matter. I don't have to feel better about where we are, I just have to keep going.

That's the hardest thing to explain to anyone who hasn't been here.

I know things aren't pointless. I know this is just that painful phase when everyone's mind plays tricks on them, and only the truly stupid and stubborn survive because they're too ding darn stupid to quit.

So it's a real challenge. I want to be stupid. I want to be stubborn.

When the going gets tough, the tough get stupider.